Of course, these "people" I refer to are a mere army of one, existing solely within the confines of my chemically damaged mind where they battle for supremacy and control of my actions.
Actions which lead me here time and time again to Cyberspace where bruised but over-inflated egos roam free and engage in sophomoric banter and wit wars until they realize they haven't gotten laid in years and that their mother's basement is being overtaken by rats and the Rat King, Whiskerface McCheeseeater III, has decided that your racecar bed is now his and that you should go get him more Cheez-its before he tells his minions that your third leg tastes like Goudha.
Whoa...um...movie reviews. Here's some of those to accompany the angry, incoherent ranting.
BOONDOCK SAINTS 2: ALL SAINT'S DAY (09):
Yup. Troy Duffy, numero uno on the Hollywood Blacklist and writer-director of that kickass late 90's flick about Irish vigilante badasses finally got the funding to make a sequel. It's a mixed bag. A bag that I would put over my head because I enjoyed it and there wasn't any bees in the bag, but it wasn't the coolest, dopest thing ever committed to celluloid either.
As a film, it is certainly not in the same league as its predecessor, but it's a fun ride with sweet action and a good storyline. The movie delves deep into the Duke's past and that's definitely the highlight (it reminded me of Showtime's Dexter) and it's great to see the boys back in action, but Duffy tries way too hard at times to come up with witty Tarantino-esque dialogue and often fails miserably.
I was especially annoyed with the "good" cops who try to protect our dynamic duo, because they are far too reminiscent of the Three Stooges and though I enjoyed some of the comedic elements, this one only hurt the film. Speaking of Dexter, his onscreen wife (Julie Benz) does an OK job as Willem Dafoe's FBI agent replacement, but Duffy could have been more original with his portrayal of the character and her crime scene reenactments.
Overall, I was highly entertained and there was plenty of fan service, so check it out if you dug the original, but don't expect a modern masterpiece. 7.4/10
SHERLOCK HOLMES (09):
I'm gonna get right to the point with this one: I loved it, it's very entertaining; go see it. The writers' contemporary twist on Arthur Conan Doyle's famed detective will have some fans screaming blasphemy, but Robert Downey Jr.'s portrayal of Holmes makes for great entertainment.
In this version, Dr. Watson (Jude Law) is the more together of the two, while Holmes is an eccentric drunk with whip-smart wit who happens to be a master deducer. Despite the long running time, the story had me enthralled and I would be delighted to see this become a franchise if the sequel contains a mystery on par with this one.
Guy Ritchie's typical hyperactive editing and flamboyant direction were at play and utilized to good effect and I hope he's in the director's chair for the next installment as well. A little hokey and Hollywood at times, but this is damn fun escapist entertainment. Highly recommended. 8.5/10
WORLD'S GREATEST DAD (09):
One of the best dark comedies I've ever seen, and one of my favorite movies of the year. This is not for everyone though. It will divide audiences, but those that like their humor pitch-black will revel in the deliciously dark events and characters.
I don't want to give much away, but here's the barebones of it: Robin Williams plays a sad sack wannabe writer/teacher on the verge of losing his job who has never had anything published and has a troubled, rotten-to-the core son, but things change for him after a tragic life event.
Funny-voiced comedian Bobcat Goldthwait directs and if you dig this, check out his other movies: Shakes the Clown (91) and Sleeping Dogs Lie (06). Neither is as good as this, but both are interesting and provocative in their own right. 8.6/10
SLAUGHTER NIGHT (a.k.a. SL8N8) (06):
This Dutch Horror movie is nothing special, but the premise is surprisingly original and is handled well. Horror hounds and gore fanatics will definitely get their jollies with this one.
There are some excellent kills (i.e. shovel to the face!) with good special effects, and it's a great addition to the Dead Teenager Movie/slasher sub-genre. Slick directing, slightly above par writing (for a horror flick) and most importantly lots and lots of blood and guts and severed heads. Go Netflix it you sick, twisted, shock enthusiasts. 6.9/10
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